My New Situation
by this fish flies
Summary: Scrubs Crossover Dr. John 'JD' Dorian participates in a 'doctor exchange' and goes to Princeton Plainsboro to work in the Diagnostics Department.
1. My Introduction

**Title: My New Situation  
Summary: Scrubs Crossover Dr. John 'JD' Dorian participates in a 'doctor exchange' and goes to Princeton Plainsboro to work in the Diagnostics Department.  
Pairings: None yet.  
Rating: T, later chapters might be higher.  
Disclaimer: Don't own, not mine.  
Beta: The lovely Tashaelizabeth  
Note: This is the nice new edited version, thanks to my new beta. Give her a hand- I love her. Some bits are changed, but I really like how it turned out. It is much better.**

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I was not quite sure how it happened, but somehow I ended up at the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Well, I did know how it happened, as I rode Sasha all the way, and my lips were a bit chapped. I still wasn't sure whyI was here.

A few days ago, Dr. Kelso announced a 'doctor exchange' he had set up with another hospital. He knew someone on their Board of Directors, or something. I was picked, though I have no clue why.

"Don't get excited, Melissa. He just picked the most incompetent doctor and figured out a way to get rid of you for a while." Dr. Cox tried to bring me down, but _I will survive_. I sang the rest of the song in my head. I'd make a great sassy black woman.

Kelso told me some of the details. I'd be working in the diagnostics department, I'd help out in the free clinic, and I was not to kill anyone. I don't think I could really kill all that many people, considering there would be other people there. I'm no Doug.

My goodbye to Turk was bittersweet. And heartfelt. Sure, I wouldn't be gone for long and could drive back to see him, but I would still miss my brown bear. My goodbye to Cox was less heartfelt and more him doing a little dance and singing about how I was leaving. He would miss me.

My butt was a bit sore from riding Sasha, but my hair was still perfect. Thank you, hairmet! I never really rode her this far, and I was worried. She is sturdy, but if I pushed her too hard her past may catch up to her. The shoot-out she had been in did not help my gas mileage. I checked into my motel and got ready for the next day.

I parked Sasha on the sidewalk and noticed a motorcycle. It was big and shiny and mean compared to my cute little Sasha. It could eat my scooter for breakfast. The large scrap was like a battle scar and promised grave things. I almost shivered, thinking about what would happen if I left her here. But there was no where else so I just gave Sasha a reassuring pat before I went in.

Well, it was cleaner than Sacred Heart. Hopefully the janitors here are too busy actually _doing_ their work to bother me.Unless The Janitor had sent word ahead of me. You could never guess what he would do. He is so sneaky.

I was about to ask the receptionist where the Diagnostic Department was, when a woman walked up to me.

"Are you Dr. Dorian? I'm Dr. Lisa Cuddy, Dean of Medicine."

"Yeah, that's me." I smiled and we shook hands. She was hot, and her shirt showed off just how much of her was hot. I did the 'I'm not looking at your breasts, really' look, when I really was. Blatantly staring at her boobs would not make a good first impression. She also seemed like a woman like Jordan, and I really did not feel the need to be chewed out the first minute in a new place.

"Well, I just have to warn you about the man you will be working under during your stay here. Dr. House can be… irritating. Just try not to let him get to you. He is a good doctor, no matter how he acts." She personally led me to the office where I would be working for the next few weeks. While walking I noticed that the amount of glass in this hospital was strange. The walls were smooth and the chairs all had a modern, square look. It was like being in a fancy museum, not a hospital.

We stopped in front of a room where I could see three people, two men and a woman. Seeing into rooms without opening doors made me feel like a superhero with x-ray vision. Dr. Cuddy entered and I followed.

"Everyone, this is Dr. Dorian. He is going to be joining you for a while, as part of the new doctor exchange program. Please help him find his way around…" Cuddy glanced at her watch and grimaced. "I'm sorry, I have to get going. Welcome to the hospital, I hope you have a great experience here."

"I'm Allison Cameron. It's nice to meet you,"this woman also seemed friendly. She looked the exact opposite from Elliot, what with Elliot's crazy. Where Elliot looked like a rabid hamster, always blowing away her bangs, Dr. Cameron was composed. So far all the women I've met here have been very beautiful. The Todd would have a field day here. I can't help but feel that Sacred Heart had not only lost in the janitor pool but also the hot doctor pool.

The blonde then introduced himself as Dr. Chase. He had an accent. It was like being in the same room with the Crocodile Hunter, though Chase had better hair. Though, chasing and catching snakes and other deadly creatures did not help to keep hair in place. Even my hairmet would not be able to stand up to a crocodile attack.

Dr. Eric Foreman was the last. "I'm a neurologist," he started when the door was thrown open. An older man seemed to rush in. It only seemed like that, as he had a cane and was limping. He could not be going that fast. He went to the coffee maker and filled a mug, then sat at the desk in the adjoining room.

"That's House," Cameron said to me.

He then seemed to realize something, and came back into the room.

"What's that?" He asked, waving towards me.

"He's Dr. Dorian, form the exchange program," Chase supplied helpfully.

"Oh, the one we are babysitting for the grant money." So that was why Kelso was so willing to do this. "The only person you need to listen to is me. That one," House said, pointing to Dr. Cameron, "Is a woman, and you can't trust them, what with all their messed up hormones. Chase isn't an American, so is probably a terrorist. Not only is Foreman black but he's also missing part of his brain."

If he was missing a brain, he would be a good scarecrow. Dr. Chase, with his almost gold_en_ hair would be the lion, and Cameron could be the tin man. I smiled as I thought of the four of usskipping down the road towards Oz.

"If I were Dorothy, I'd need new shoes," I muttered, coming out of my fantasy. Everyone in the room looked at me.

"Now, why exactly did they choose you for this?" House asked, almost bored.

Because of my boyish good looks and amusing wit, I said in my head. I actually said, "Well, someone said it was to pawn off the worst doctor for a while. But I think…"

House cut me off. "I don't care what you think. You can just sit over there until someone calls for you." He went back into the office connecting to this one and then, apparently, watched TV. I went to the chair he had pointed to and sat down.

"You'll get used to House. He's not as bad as he seems," Cameron went to sit across from me.

"No, he's a bastard. He is that bad," shot Foreman from where he stoodnear the sink, getting coffee.

Chase just looked at me, and then asked, "Are you really the worst doctor?"

"Of course not. They still let me have patients."

Foreman just scoffed. "You have doctors that aren't allowed patients?" Somehow, I suspected he didn't think highly of me.

Dr. Cameron shot him a dirty look. "Anyway, try not to let House worry you. He is the same to everyone."

"He hasn't called me by a girl's name or locked me in a watertower yet." I really needed to stop saying what I thought. The room was once again silent. I just looked at House. He was not even pretending to work. My eyes wandered around the room, taking in my new surroundings. There was a strange stain on the carpet, but I'm used to stains. It looked like a lamb. I would say it was a coffee stain, but it was not dark enough.

Chase saw me looking at it. "House was shot a while ago, right there." The way Chase grinned did not fit with what he was saying. You can't talk about someone getting shot and smile while doing it. Or, I couldn't.

"Do people get shot here often?" I asked a bit worried.

"Do you often get locked in watertowers?" asked Foreman, with his eyebrows raised.

"Not too often." I ducked my head sheepishly. Even if I tried to explain that comment, it would not make it seem any more normal. Everything the Janitor did was surreal and they did not look like they would understand it- or believe it.

It was different here. I wasn't sure how I would spend my time, but something told me it would be interesting.

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**In the beginning I didn't know if I should put this in House or Scrubs, what with the point of view being JD, but the setting House. In the end it was House, as most of the characters will be from that.  
I started writing this just because they Wizard of Oz fantasy flashed through my mind. I couldn't help it.  
**

**Comments, criticism, all of that is appreciated. Flames are also welcomed, if you feel that strongly about it. I wouldn't care, but they would be fun to read. Really, I love reviews.**


	2. My Bad First Impression

**Title: My New Situation  
Summary: Scrubs Crossover Dr. John 'JD' Dorian participates in a 'doctor exchange' and goes to PrincetonPlainsboro to work in the Diagnostics Department.  
Pairings: None yet.  
Rating: T, later chapters might be higher.  
Disclaimer: Don't own, not mine.  
AN: A note about the timeline. This takes place after House season two, but before the latest episodes (no jail and police trouble for House). The Scrubs is after season 5, as long as you ignore JD's new girlfriend. So, it is the tiniest bit AU, I guess.**

**Thanks so much to my reviewers: eac-dudette, MusicalMemory, charlygate, Fairfax, Dybdahl, Skoellya, Immortal Cavechick, Elevanya, smilebackwards, El Chacal, greypilgrim26, Tashaelizabeth, kiwiknight, and Jeran. Knowing people are reading (and liking- that part surprised me a bit) is the only reason I keep going. Really, without them I would probably have forgotten all about this. Every review guilted me into getting back to work and forced me to slog ahead. So, most of the credit goes to all of you. Now you just have to bug me to start on the third chapter!  
**

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It seemed my first day here would be a quiet one. No one seemed to be talking at all. Foreman and Chase were doing crosswords, and Cameron was reading a medical journal. I really wanted to ask some questions, but breaking the silence was hard. It really did not look like they were working, but I'd still feel bad if I interrupted anything. By now, they might have even forgotten I was here.

Sitting with them, I feel a bit out of place. I'm the only one not wearing a lab coat. A glance at House shows he is not wearing one, either. Huh. It is strange to be wearing normal clothing. I have not yet seen one pair of scrubs, just lab coats.

Another lab coat walked by and right into House's office. The man stood there for a second before House looked at him. The man was House's opposite; where House was rough and sharp he was soft. _Like a baby, _I thought. They talked, but I had no clue what about. In my head, they were talking about flowers. House was a oddball florist and the other was buying petunias for his great aunt. House really didn't want to sell them, but the man insisted. I was so deep in my florist shop that I did not see the man make a hand gesture in my direction and walk over.

"So, you guys don't have a case?" The man asked Cameron. The way he asked made me think of a police officer. Or detective. _I'm on the case!_ I'm not sure why detectives always had magnifying glasses in my mind, but mine was quite large.

I had missed what Cameron had said in reply. The man nodded and turned to me. "Hello, I'm Dr. James Wilson, Head of Oncology. I hope House hasn't given you any problems yet." Why did everyone say that? I was beginning to think he might cause trouble or something. That was not reassuring.

"No. He's just a bad florist." _Damn. That was out loud._

"…Florist," someone repeated quietly.

Wilson seemed to ignore what I said completely. "Well, Dr…?"

"Dorian. But you can call me JD." _Or Gizmo._

"These guys only take on cases that appeal to House, and it might be a while before one comes up. Don't get too bored." Dr. Wilson waved and everyone said goodbye to him.

"He was nice," I remarked when I could not see him anymore.

"He'd have to be, he is House's only friend," Chase cut in.

Foreman looked at me. "Now, what was it you said about florists and House?" I really wish no one had heard that. All the hope I had of making a good first impression was gone. All I could think was, _don't mention petunias, don't mention petunias. _

_Hey, hasn't Cox called me Petunia before?_

It was hard keeping track of all of the names.

Dr. Foreman was still waiting for an answer when House came storming in, once again. Really, for someone with a bum leg and cane, he could move silently and quickly. The 'florist House' was quickly being replaced with a 'ninja House' in my mind. If these walls were not glass, you would never know where he would pop up.

"Well girls and new guy," my heart cheered when I was not added to the 'girls' on my first day, "Wilson has so kindly reminded me that we are not working on any cases, so I figured that I'd help the lost little puppy and show him around the clinic." I almost thought he was being nice, but everyone else's reactions told me otherwise.

"You just want to make him do your clinic hours when you nap in another room," Chase scoffed at House.

An expression of something mirroring hurt crossed House's face. It had the strangeness of looking both real and fake at the same time. It didn't seem to fit House, either way. "Why would you say that? I just want to help him get settled," House gestured at me, somehow still managing to keep the hurt puppy look on his face. From everyone else's actions I could tell that he was faking it, but House was an obscenely good actor. If it weren't for the myriad of warnings I had gotten I'd almost believe him. Although, that could just be because of my childlike innocence- other people call it naiveté, but that is rude, really.

"No, I was supposed to work a bit in the clinic anyway. Why not start early?" It's not that I wanted to work, I just wanted to get out of this room. These people not only heard everything I said, they were not ignoring it. I had gotten so used to most of the things I said being shrugged off that being called on it put me out of whack.

As I followed House out his face looked positively gleeful, but that might have just been a trick of the light. Chase glowered and Foreman shot me a look that boarded on condescending before he turned back to his crossword. Cameron just rolled her eyes.

I had to hurry to catch up with House. His limping shuffle was still unbelevibly fast. I could see him as an Olympic grade walker- not that I watched Olympic walking. Not much, anyway. It sometimes got too competitive and controversial. "Without that leg he could rival Pérez.(1)" House just turned he head at this comment, and kept walking.

The clinic was near the front of the building, where I had already passed. It was, like everything else I had seen, clean and new looking. "Dr. House, and…" House barked to the nurse at the clinic desk, before looking over at me. "Dr. House and newbie here signing in.10 o'clock." House hurried into an exam room. I was momentarily shocked by him using one of Cox's favorite nicknames, but I quickly shook it off and politely told the nurse my name and smiled. Never be rude to nurses; that was a rule drilled into very early on by Carla. They were the ones with the real power in a hospital.

When I entered the exam room, House was lying on the table playing a Gameboy.

Huh.

From the repetitive song sounding from the speakers I could tell it was some Mario game, but I could not place which one. If I was forced to guess I would say Super Mario Bros. II, but the Gameboy distorted the sound enough that I was not confidant in my identification. It was then I realized that I should care more about how House seemed fine with shirking work and not abut what game he was playing. My brain just couldn't get that through to me, though.

"Which Mario is that?" I asked, closing the door behind me.

"Super," was the almost grunted reply I got second before I heard the distinctive "Mario just died" music.

"Oh, I could swear it sounded like the second one," House shot me a _look_ as I trailed off. "So… What am I supposed to do?"

"Sit and be quiet, and hope no one comes back here."

"I can do that. I am great at being quiet!" I said cheerily, taking a seat on the stool.

"I doubt that. You are a happy person who _cares,_ a busybody, like Cameron," House said 'cares' like it hurt him, like it was burning. It was then that I realized something that had been tickling around the back of my mind; House reminded me of Cox. Not only was he mean and contemptuous, he seemed to love making fun of the people he worked with. But, there was also something different, something that promised a different type of torture. Cox's anger was powerful but it was… benign. It was a powerful ocean swell that slammed into a breakwater: strong, but something you could defend against. I could see House as being some kind of Cox-Janitor-Kelso mix. This revelation should have concerned me, but something else caught my attention.

The door opened and in came my first patient at Plansboro.

House just scowled.

(1)Jefferson Pérez, an Olympic gold medallist in race walking. Also has the worlds best time for the 20km. I don't know why JD is so informed about race walking, but it is surely not to be the last strange hobby he is knowledgeable of. By the time I am done the list will be long and full of obscure things.

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**Wow, I finally finished this chapter. I really thought I would be done sooner. I had actually gotten started on this the day after I wrote the first, but then I lost my paper with my plan on it. I had a whole 'House' case plotted and written out, and it is gone. So, instead of getting a case first I now have a nice visit to the clinic. I'm still searching for my notes, so don't worry. They will turn up.  
I'm still working on my characterization. The only one I am really confidant about is my JD. My House is giving my mountains of problems.  
And yes, I do like ending on a cliffhanger. Or, I just hadn't thought through who the patient will be, but really wanted to get a new chapter up. Pick which excuse you like.**


	3. Interlude: The Janitor's Thoughts

**Title: My New Situation  
Summary: Scrubs Crossover Dr. John 'JD' Dorian participates in a 'doctor exchange' and goes to Princeton Plainsboro to work in the Diagnostics Department.  
Pairings: None yet.  
Rating: T, later chapters might be higher.  
Disclaimer: Don't own, not mine.  
Note: Just a short little interlude on the Sacred Heart front. This actually comes much later in the timeline.**

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The Janitor wondered what he was going to do now that his victim was gone. Sure he could terrorize other people, but they never made such satisfying noises when scared. The Janitor could not help but think of him as some sort of high strung little purse dog. The kind that shakes when out in the open It was almost a crime how jumpy he was.

The Janitor did not think how that jumpiness was almost all his own fault.

There was only so much work The Janitor could do in one day. Cleaning was his passion, but taking breaks was good for your mind. And was it his fault if his day was mostly just stalking JD with short breaks to mop every once in a while?

Bothering Dr. Kelso could be fun, but he usually only did that when first provoked. Going after Turk had the problem that Carla might find out, and The Janitor did not mess with the nurses. Little blonde doctor was not even in the running. Dr. Cox is sometimes amusing, but that would be something JD would laugh at. Helping his enemy in any way was not advisable.

So he had nothing to do. Some of his inventions needed work, so he fiddled a bit with them, but it was still no use. There was only so much tinkering you could do to the toothpick-icepick before it became bloated with too many extra features. The "explosion" problem several of his new ideas had was also a bit disinheriting.

Really, the only thing to do would be to follow JD. He had friends in high places. He was sure to be able to get a job at whatever hospital he had gone to. They would be fools not to hire him.

The Janitor smiled and he whistled, idly pushing a broom down the hall.

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**End note: Yeah. So I've been a bit blocked with this. Everything I've been writing has been turning to crap. I feel bad about taking so long so I decided to post this. This part won't come until later for the PPTH bunch, but it is a nice little view into what The Janitor is doing. When I get back into writing there might be a lot of him. If I can't get the next **_**real **_**chapter out soon I might have to do a bit about Cox or Elliot or something. Hopefully these little drabbles can get me back to where I was.**

**Again, so sorry for being so slow. I hate myself too.**


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